Rule Your Thoughts

 "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." -Phil 4:8

High-Level Process Update

Chemo rounds 8 and 9 were endured not so cheerfully since I last wrote, and then I had enough. My last infusion was Apr 4, and since then we've been in a holding pattern debating on what to do next, and seeking additional opinions. My PET scan on Apr 29 didn't look so bad, but clearly I don't need to be taking a very long break before starting chemo again.

Despite that, it has been great to feel normal again for the past couple of weeks! Physically and mentally.

More Options

We have gotten a couple of additional opinions. The first was from Cancer Treatment Centers of America. The overall view was that we've done the right thing so far with chemo, but we are at the end of the road with the first regimen and need to find something else. This doctor's suggestion was to try to find a clinical trial for something, since we know I shouldn't expect to live very long just by more chemo.

This past Monday's appointment with Dr. Yang was more helpful than expected - I felt like I was getting a second opinion from the same doctor. His suggestion was to change the regimen to one of the same chemo drugs I have been taking (Irinotecan, the one from the tree in China), plus Cetuximab, which is a monoclonal antibody (best known for causing a terrible acne-like rash on 87% of patients). Later in the appointment he started to think more seriously about surgery again as a way to "kick the can down the road" a little further, not as a cure. So we have an appointment with Dr. Yi again tomorrow to see if his views have changed since we saw him in December. If you recall, he was firm that he would only do a colostomy, and he highly recommended that I get it done due to the high risk of colon obstruction. I said "no thank you", but maybe he would be willing to do a resection now that all the tumors have shrunk.

The next opinion we got was from Duke this past Tuesday. The good news is that the doctor agreed with everything that had been done so far, and about Dr. Yang's proposed next regimen. He advised against clinical trials at this point because we still have a few options that we know will work to some degree. However, he was very concerned about impending obstruction, and recommended we address it with surgery first before resuming chemo (whether resectioning or colostomy).

At the same time over the past couple of weeks, symptoms of possible impending obstruction have begun to manifest themselves... Coincidentally, my food intake has greatly increased due to not having nausea from chemo anymore. So the pendulum has swung the other way from the months of severe diarrhea caused by chemo. This afternoon an X-ray indicated that my symptoms are not an obstruction but just plain ole' constipation. Praise the Lord, because obstruction is a very serious situation with a lot of downstream consequences, so to speak.

Why Stop Chemo?

The nausea and diarrhea was one thing, but what really ended it for me was the abdominal cramps. It was like all the involuntary colon muscles forgot when they were supposed to squeeze, and decided to squeeze at the wrong time with bubbles in between different sections. It was extremely painful for a 2-3 day period out of every round, getting progressively worse since about round 5. 

Based on CEA scores I think I was right that this first regimen had done all the good it could do, and I was continuing to suffer side effects for basically no reason.

Ruling Thoughts

I have had a difficult time keeping a faith-filled mindset in the valleys of the roller coaster ride described above. At times I have had doubts and fears about what God's will might be. I realize this flies in the face of many things I have said and written before, but it's true. Jonah Unger in a conversation at church last night helped me greatly by quoting my own words back to me: "It is not faithful to pray for one thing and expect the opposite." This is true. And according to the text at the very top of this post, true things are what we should be thinking about.

Ps 27 was a great comfort to me just today.

Other Good Memories

Last month Christina had a longtime dream come true and ran the Cooper River Bridge 10k in Charleston, with Sarah Pipkin. Only the four of us made the trip for the weekend, and it was a great time. There were many great conversations that I benefitted from. One recurring theme from Zack that weekend was that life's adversity is nothing more than the Lord sliding another weight onto the bar so we can get stronger. How can you demonstrate strength with no weight on the bar? How can you say you want to be strong but you don't want to pick anything up?

Get a load of the eloquence of these words from Ronnie Coleman, eight-time Mr. Olympia Champion (excuse the language for sake of accuracy): "Everybody wanna be a bodybuilder, but nobody wanna lift heavy-ass weights."

True, isn't it? Haven't I said I want to know the Lord better and be stronger, and then I'm scared when He loads some weight on the bar?

The T-Shirt

The Christian life is not supposed to be one of ease and comfort. You can make it that way if you don't intend to grow, but then you have to question if you are really a Christian.

Zack planned and executed a Strong Man competition for our church body with all of these themes in mind. The picture above is the back of the T-shirt. The verses:

"And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness; And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity." -2 Pet 1:5-7

Expressing your faith and starting to be a "Christian" isn't enough - you are supposed to "Add To."

The Application

Where I am right now is where carrying the weight gets real. If I do it well, to the glory of God, I will get stronger, He will be pleased, and others will benefit.

Check out this passage:

"For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal." -2 Cor 4:17-18

Help Along the Way

Much of the hardship discussed in the Bible is from enemies or persecutors. I have none of these, only encouragers and helpers. I thank God for each one who speaks to me, texts me, gives me something, or otherwise does something to encourage me. It works and I appreciate it greatly. The Lord sees it as well.

My difficulty will never approach that of the Lord Jesus Christ on the cross. He was forsaken by all of His acquaintances, and even by the Father. I will never be forsaken, but encouraged and helped.

My dear wife encourages and builds me up constantly, and I cannot thank the Lord enough for her. I literally do not know what I would do without her.

A couple of pics from Charleston (I don't remember what was so funny when we were leaving Frothy Beard Brewery):